There are very few physical pleasures in life to compare with sex. It ought to be something that’s always fun, and that we look forward to – but for many people, it’s a source of anxiety. They worry that they won’t be able to live up to their partner’s desires, and as a consequence, they struggle to make it work at all. Things don’t have to be this way. If it’s happening to you, take a step back and consider what you can do about it.
1. Don’t think badly of yourself
Did you know that an estimated 617,715 American men have erectile dysfunction in any given year – or that 5% to 10% of women rarely or never orgasm, and two-thirds worry about their performance in bed? If you have been struggling, you’re not alone. If your partner has had other partners, the odds are that you will not be the first with this problem. In most cases, physical difficulties are only occasional, but the one thing most likely to make them chronic is anxiety. Try to relax and accept that it’s just one of those annoying things in life, not a catastrophe.
2. Rethink your approach to sex
Often when people worry about their performance in bed, they’re concerned about their ability to perform a particular role and think of sex as something that builds up towards a specific event without which it’s a failure. Sex doesn’t have to be like that. There are lots of ways you can give your partner pleasure. What most people want is simply to experience pleasure and see their partner being happy, so experiment and mix it up a bit. If some acts make you nervous, focus on different ones.
3. Be more playful
Sex should never be a chore. Given this, are you taking it too seriously? It’s not something you owe to your partner – it’s something you should be doing together because you both enjoy it. This means that if something goes wrong, it’s okay to laugh at yourself a bit. Doing so will immediately relieve the tension and makes it clear that your partner hasn’t failed in any way, and it means you can keep on having fun.
4. Improve your diet
Low fitness levelsare a significant contributor to sexual disappointment, so look at how you can improve your general health. Set aside the idea of aphrodisiac foods, which are mostly mythical or at best unreliable, and focus on simple things. You’ll find it easier to get erect if you’re well-hydrated (as women also have erectile tissue, this applies to everyone). If you eat a good variety of fruits and vegetables, so your body has all the micronutrients it needs, your sexual response will improve.
5. Take – or change – medication
Performance anxiety is often related to more generalized anxiety disorders. If you’re taking medication for anxiety or depression, it could be contributing to the problem, so talk to your doctor about possible alternatives. Some other medicines also make problems more likely, though you should never stop taking them without medical advice. You may find that taking Roman ED pills can help to improve your performance directly.
As well as improving your general fitness, exercise can directly enhance your sexual experience. Try strengthening your pelvic floor muscles with Kegel exercises – they’re simple to do and are an asset for either partner in both vaginal and anal sex. Tighten up your abs to give you more control. There are even facial exercises you can do to improve your ability with oral sex. Exercise can also reduce anxiety by making you more confident about your appearance.
How much do you know about what your partner wants in bed? Even before it comes to paraphilias, human desires vary greatly, and different bodies are sensitive in different ways. It might be that the things you’re worrying about aren’t a big priority for your partner anyway. What’s more, admitting to your worries can take a lot of pressure off you. If it’s hard to talk, couples’ counseling can help. If you’re just starting in a new relationship, being open about your nervousness might well help your partner to relax about similar issues.
Sexual dysfunction becomes more common as we get older, so it’s essential to learn how to deal with it. It doesn’t have to be a source of anxiety, and it doesn’t have to stop sex being pleasurable. In most cases, it is something that can be overcome – so don’t worry, there’s plenty of pleasure still awaiting you.